Monthly Archives: October 2012

Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships:Devotion 6

Knowing the difference between love and sex

Sarah’s letter to God.

Father in heaven forgive me. I don’t know how to make a relationship work on my own accord. I just did what I knew, what I have seen. I wasn’t sure that having sex was the right thing to do in my relationship, but I thought is was the next step and that I was in Love. I thought I had to have sex in order to keep his attention in order to keep his love. Isn’t this what sex is for? It feel’s so good and I don’t feel bad doing it and the world tell me it’s right. But then the relationship doesn’t work out and I get hurt. I am confused. Help me Father to change my view of love and sex. Show me the difference so I can change and honor you.

Sincerely, Your daughter

Have you ever prayed like this; wanting to know the difference between love and sex? That’s what we are going to discuss this week. Throughout chapter 6, Chip gives us different stories of people who have had ruined relationships because of sex outside of Gods terms. To find God’s terms we have to look at God’s word.  Paul addresses the Ephesians in chapter 5:3-4 about the importance of giving thanks for what you have and not letting there be any greed or immoral deeds, talk or joking. He is addressing all relationships. “We are to refuse to take, exploit, cheapen or substitute sexual activity for genuine love and authentic intimacy.”-Chip Ingram. We also have to remember that sex is not wrong. It just has to be done in a pure manner with one person in the union of marriage. Song of Songs is a great account of how God intended sex to be in a marriage. Several times with in the book is the verse “Do not awaken love until it so desires”. Even on his wedding day Solomon still had to wait till his beloved was his wife.

Sex has become a servant to love, and love as a result has been mislabeled, mistreated and God’s way has been forgotten. As Christians it is now time for us to remember that sex is not a meaningless way of casual entertainment, and it is not equal or greater to love. We have been wrong and influenced by the world. God created us to have sexual desires so that we could share a special intimacy with our spouse. In the next chapter we are going to talk about why he created us this way and why it is so important.

Take some time to evaluate your view on sex in relationships. As always remember to talk with our Father. Sexual temptation is all around us and it is only by His Spirit that we can resist them. If you have things to confess and you want to change; remember that you are forgiven and Jesus died because he loves you and wants eternal salvation for you. Please use these verses for further reflection.

Verses for Reflection:

Song of Songs

Ephesians 5:3-4

Matthew 5:28

Luke 6:45

Leave a comment

Filed under Love Sex and Relationships study

Love Sex and Lasting Relationships :Devotion 5

Last time we learned about the 3 types of love and briefly introduced the idea that we are confusing the term “love” with infatuation. Today we are going to go through Chip Ingram’s 12 steps to discerning the difference when you are asking yourself …

“Is this true, genuine love?”

Remember Sarah that I mentioned in the first week? Well Sarah’s best friend gave her some advice on what love is and now she has a totally different outlook on love.

Her friend told her that (1) love needs to grow through time, not go in and out like infatuation. (2) Love grows out of seeing the whole person for who they are. Where infatuation only sees’s one thing. I.e. job, looks, and money. (3)True love is focused on the other person. Infatuation is self-centered. (4) Genuine love is only focused on ONE person. Where you can be infatuated with one or more people at the same time. (5) Love not only requires and nurtures trust and security. Whereas infatuation is blind to problems. (6)When you are in love you work for the other persons benefit. (7) When a couple is in love they face problems realistically and try to solve them. Infatuation ignores problems and pushes them away. (8) Love knows that it’s ok to have a little distance and it is important for the relationship to grow. Infatuation see’s true love as being together 24/7.(9)Physical attraction is a small part of Love but it is the main focus of infatuation. (10) Love waits for the appropriate time later in the relationship to show affection. Infatuation shows it early on. (11) Love endures, commits and is stable. Infatuation is sporadic and unpredictable. And lastly, (12) Love doesn’t rush into marriage; it’s takes it’s time and knows the importance and value of the commitment. Infatuation rushes and feels and urge to commit instantly with little thought.  Used together with God these steps will change how we look at the meaning of love.

 

Verses for Reflection:

Genesis 29:1-20, 2 Samuel 13

Leave a comment

Filed under Love Sex and Relationships study

Love ,Sex and Lasting Relationships Devotion #4

 Discerning and getting down to the true meaning of Love.

I love autumn. I love a good caramel macchiato and I love my family. In each of these statements love has a different meaning. We tend to use the word “love” in a different ways meaning; enjoy greatly, or hold a favorable opinion towards, or infatuated with. This week we are going to define the three kinds of love listed in chapter 4; Eros, Phileo, and Agape.

Eros Love : Attraction, sexual desire. Song of Songs 1:1,

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.

God created us with passionate desires, and these things are good when we observe God’s design and sanctity of intimate passion and sex between a husband and wife. (Don’t worry we will dig deeper in chapter 6)

 

Phileo love: Brotherly Love, companionship, and fellowship. Romans 12:9-13.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Having fellowship, companionship, and community are important. It is very dangerous spiritually to be alone. God wants us to have community and companionship to offer us a chance to relate to Him by relating to other Christians. It also helps us hold each other accountable for our actions. Jesus spent a lot of time in fellowship using it as an opportunity to teach and in Genesis 2 God saw that Adam was alone and needed a partner. So God created one for him.

 

Agape Love: Giving, sacrificial, and selfless. John 17:22-23

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Jesus prays for his disciples and all believers just before he is arrested. This is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. Every time I read it I am humbled. Agape love is given even when someone doesn’t deserve it. A person with this love see’s beyond their own personal reasons, gain or needs. They do not focus on the small picture, but the big. A mother will overlook her own personal needs to see that her children are provided for, and Christ died to see that we would have life everlasting.

 

Love is confusing and we often misuse the term when we are actually just infatuated. Next time you think you are “falling in love” reflect on the three kinds of love listed here to help you determine where your love lies. Next week we will touch on 12 differences to help you further discern between Love and Infatuation.

Additional Verses for Reflection:

 

Eros-Genesis 2:24-25, Phileo- Genesis 2:20, Agape-John 17

Leave a comment

Filed under Love Sex and Relationships study